How to replace computer games for an adult. If your husband is addicted to computer games

Content

Hobby for an adult is not only good way to diversify a rather monotonous life, but also to get away from stress. Some people can't live without models military equipment, repeating their prototypes in the smallest detail, some dote on stamps or old postcards, while others are attracted to Spanish dancing or choral singing. Such interests can only be welcomed. Many hobbies broaden a person’s horizons and social circle and even become part of the family. But what to do if a seemingly harmless activity becomes a mania, the personality does not develop, but degrades, mutual understanding and good relationships in the family are disrupted.

What is gambling addiction?

Computer addiction can lead to such disastrous results, which affects serious married people, adults, more often than not men. The father of the family, who has returned to work, plunges into virtual world and stops responding to both quiet requests and loud reproaches from loved ones. Sometimes, it is difficult for a man to tear himself away from the monitor, even for dinner, only for the reason that he is participating in an attack or there is a decisive battle going on behind the glass.

How to deal with such a warrior? How to return the attention of a person who has gone into the world to the spouse and the whole family computer games husband and father? It turns out that psychologists have long been interested in this problem and give a kind of diagnosis of “gaming addiction” to people who devote more than twelve hours a day to virtual wars. People who have not experienced this problem find it difficult to believe that it is possible, after working all day, to get so involved in the game. In fact, the situation may turn out to be such that a person quits work, and sleeps and eats haphazardly and clearly not enough. In the most difficult, advanced cases, a gambling addict stops taking care of himself, forgetting about hygiene procedures and the most basic household duties.

Multiplayer games are also dangerous because virtual friends and enemies enter the subconscious to such an extent that they become part of the supposed real life. Computer world replaces the real one, and you will have to pull the person out of the game network with the help of qualified doctors. Psychologists use various psychotherapeutic techniques, hypnosis and even medications.

My husband is always on the computer

Women who are not too serious about the harmful hobby of computer games and say that such leisure time for their husbands is better than alcohol or gambling, are wrong. All these activities, if abused, lead to the same ending. The family loses its head, the wife loses contact with her husband, the marriage will sooner or later fall apart.

The psychology of men is such that deep down, each of them remains a child, playing with available toys with passion and sincere delight. Someone is ready to spend from morning to night next to their favorite car, someone enthusiastically fishes or hunts. This reveals the male nature - the nature of a warrior, breadwinner and winner. What could be simpler, turn on the computer, launch the game and become a brave space conqueror, captain of free pirates or a fearless lone hero from a tribe wood elves. The world is beautiful and bright, there is no garbage waiting in the wings, no vacuum cleaner and burnt out light bulbs... In this kind of Looking Glass there are no annoying family members. There is only epic music, a well-aimed hand and loyal comrades who are ready to tirelessly fight and win!

But where should the hero’s real relatives and friends go, who are no longer virtually, but truly, losing the gambling addiction?

Under no circumstances should you withdraw yourself or step aside. Unable to find the strength to fight the imperfections of the world, an adult often begins to play in order to at least maintain his own reputation in the game. This is a non-aggressive way to get away from problems big and small, which can also become a simulator of real life.

Husband plays tanks

It’s not so bad when your spouse’s hobby becomes single-player games. Even the brightest and most addictive sagas come to an end someday. Some people will need a couple of weekends and the same number of sleepless nights to go through the entire plot, others will get stuck for a month or even six months. But after the end of the story, the man will not want to return to mi games right away. Moreover, the sequel to your favorite toy will most likely not be released soon.

It is much worse if the husband has gone into the world of a multiplayer game. This means that a person has found himself in a community of similar gamers and the endless process of building a great empire and fighting for someone’s bright future.

Strategies that allow you to play online take a lot of time waiting for the next building to be built or the necessary skill to be developed. Tens of minutes, hours and whole days are spent building fortresses and recruiting armies. All this time the person is tied to the computer. Not everyone is captivated by this process. More often, people with low self-esteem or unfulfilled ambitions become dependent on strategies. The virtual emperor or general is trying to exalt himself in the game and thus forget about real failures.

Online role-playing or action games are even more dangerous than strategy games. A carefully thought-out plot, 24/7 servers, thousands of simultaneously online players and eternal action, once in which it is impossible to escape. Players are organized into motley teams and interact within storyline. Sometimes the game replaces life so much that people in it begin to acquire first friends and enemies, and then a household.

Everything would be fine, but the spouse, after purchasing a webcam and microphone, begins to modernize his gaming arsenal, improve his armor and purchase real estate. The process is accompanied by waste of the real family budget, absenteeism from work and stupid, almost childish deception for the sake of the opportunity to play for fun.

If this stage of gaming disease has arrived, you can no longer hesitate!

How to deal with computer addiction

To tear their husbands away from the monitor, women sometimes decide to take the most drastic measures. Some limit themselves to banal abuse and nag their spouse, blaming him for neglected children who receive bad marks, a washing machine that has not been working for six months, and a vacation postponed until the next century. But this approach has probably never given positive effect. Wounded pride forces the head of the family to plunge even deeper into the virtual world, where no one scolds, where he is a hero and ruler.

Determined ladies cut to the quick and turn off the Internet. But the whole family suffers from this, because today both children and the mother herself need access to the Internet. It is impossible to tear a gambler away from his hobby with such actions. He can easily start playing at work, take advantage of free access somewhere in a cafe, or constantly overpay for mobile Internet.

The most desperate women, sacrificing themselves, their interests and time, begin to play with their husbands. This path is the most ambiguous. On the one hand, you can get addicted and also become addicted, and, on the other hand, communication with your husband will probably improve, since new communication interests will appear. If you gather all your will into a fist, you can control your spouse and protect him from many of the side dangers that accompany online games.

This is also hidden aggression, which can, over the course of many hours virtual battles escape into reality, and beer gatherings with real people, and more often with virtual friends at the monitor, and the husband’s pleasant online acquaintances, which could become a real problem for his wife.

Are there any effective ways to return your husband to real world? It turns out there is.

What to do?

First of all, there is no need to impose a strict ban on games. There is nothing more offensive and outrageous for a grown man than a ban. The main task of a woman is to distract her husband as much as possible from harmful activities and occupy his free time with useful things. Therefore, let him play, but in the pauses between going to pick up his son in the garden, walking the dog, minor furniture repairs, going to the dacha with his mother-in-law, and a hundred other important errands. Cases must be brought to the attention of the executor in advance so that he can plan his time, and must undoubtedly be urgent.

This technique can be both a good preventative measure for beginning gamers and a cure in the early stages of the disease, but only on the condition that no one indulges the man in his excessive passion for the game. You shouldn’t bring dinner to the computer and do everything undone around the house for your spouse: hanging up shelves that fell a month ago or cleaning the siphon in the bathroom.

But you definitely need to praise your husband. The sooner he understands that in reality he is loved and appreciated, that he is a real hero here too, the easier it will be to return him from the virtual world.

How to restore communication with your spouse

To restore lost contact, it is enough to become interested in your spouse’s favorite game and begin to discuss the events taking place in it. What is the plot, who are the heroes of the game, and on whose side does the husband fight? Surely he will be pleased to talk about his achievements, show off his equipment and introduce him to his comrades. Even if all these details do not interest your spouse, you can pretend to be interested in the name of establishing contacts and getting your husband back.

And sincere admiration for your spouse can be a good way to restore emotional ties and trust in your wife. This will be the start of the next stage in extracting the second half from the depths of the world of games.

You should not leave your husband alone with the computer for a long time. There are many topics to discuss, including those that are not very pleasant for your spouse. In this case, you need to take his side and, while talking about failures or difficulties, still praise your husband, approve of his actions and rejoice in solving problems. Pleasant moments from childhood or the recent past, shared memories and dreams can bring pleasure to all family members and turn into a dream about an upcoming vacation or a Sunday walk together. No matter how good and interesting people did not surround the spouse, at this stage it is important to move the circle of his interests and trust to the family.

If the family has enough acquaintances and friends, you can receive guests more often, accompanying the gatherings with all kinds of competitions and board games. A pleasant conversation at the table and victory over not a virtual, but a completely tangible enemy is the surest way to free your husband from computer captivity.

Keeping in mind the natural tendency of men to feel like hunters and providers, it is important to show that a woman is pleased to be around just such a man. But the sweatpants with blisters at the knees and an old T-shirt with coffee stains do not in any way correspond to the image of the hero. A woman is simply obliged to help her husband feel like a welcome hero, without whom she is practically helpless.

Women's tricks

Women are no strangers to cunning, so in the fight for your own spouse you can and should use this serious weapon.

Spouse in the game invincible knight, pumped up to level one hundred? Let the husband feel in life that only he can overcome the harsh trials in this house, and the woman, as usual, is too weak to be a hero. To do this, you can use cunning and pretend to be inept, cowardly, stupid and sissy at the same time. Let male stereotypes work for women!

Even if the wife is able to establish with eyes closed toilet, rebuilding the car engine and changing the wiring in the apartment, you need to assure your husband that without his help the woman will be lost. Let the spouse demonstrate his skills, receive well-deserved praise and begin to believe that this side of the monitor is still better.

You should not rush things; patience is a much better ally than anger and swearing. More significant results can be achieved without making loud scenes or organizing a boycott, but by having heart-to-heart conversations and entrusting tasks that are important for the family, which the spouse will obviously do “perfectly.” A man must independently establish himself in the idea that this beautiful, bright, and, most importantly, real world cannot do without him.

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Today's children no longer play hide-and-seek and mother-daughter games. They don't walk outside with friends much, rarely fall from trees, and don't really like throwing snowballs. What we can’t imagine childhood without is becoming a thing of the past!

Instead of friends in the yard and classics on the asphalt, today's children have friends on social networks and shooting games on the computer. But throwing a bird into a pile of pigs on a tablet (for those who don’t know, this is the plot of the most popular Angry games Birds) is not at all the same as getting hit on the head with a shovel in a sandbox! How will children grow up, for whom Windows is their window to the outside world?

I brought all these questions of universal importance to the head of Marina Chizhova, vice-rector of the Institute of Perinatal Psychology and Psychology of the Reproductive Sphere.

Tablets instead of books

Parents always say: “We weren’t like that at your age!” Is it really because of the dominance of gadgets that modern children are really closer to terminators than to moms and dads?

It’s true, children change when they pick up gadgets,” Marina Alekseevna nods. - But that's normal! The environment around us also changes, and we adapt to it. There is nothing we can do about the development of gadgets itself. If we throw tablets and TVs out of the house, then the child will bury himself in them when he comes to visit someone. Simply because now mastering gadgets is an evolutionary task. It’s the same as with alcohol: the right parent understands that the child will still encounter it. So let him try alcohol at home.

- But the problem is that you can’t drag children away from the screen by their ears!

And addiction occurs when a person does not have an internal regulator of behavior. If an alcoholic drinks, he feels good. But he cannot do this “well” on his own, without alcohol. And it’s the same story with gadgets. As long as I have a tablet in my hands, everything is simple. He dictates what we should do: run and gun or like. They cut off the Internet or electricity - and there is emptiness, it is not clear what we should do. In order not to become dependent, we must learn to regulate ourselves. Or rather, our parents should teach us this in childhood. But a child will never learn to determine his needs if mom and dad severely limit him.

- Well, the parents themselves have their heads buried in a book, some in the TV...

If a mother is dependent on something, she cannot teach the child to be independent. It’s just that before parents went into books, now they go to Odnoklassniki. And the more a parent is attached to something, the harder he tries to impose it! Mom says: books are good, but gadgets are bad! Although there may be the same book on the tablet... And the child still does not understand how to satisfy his needs.

Birds vs dolls

- What needs do gadgets satisfy in general? Need to post a picture on your wall?

Gadgets satisfy our need to play. It is basic, this is a normal stage of development. This is how children learn behavioral skills.

- So let them play with dolls and cars...

It’s only in our heads that we have this division, but it’s normal for a child to play with dolls and on the phone. A girl who plays with a doll at home is no different from a girl who plays on a tablet in Angry Birds! Parents who say computer games are violent simply haven't seen their children play. It's not interesting to just roll cars - you need them to break and turn over... Or do you think everything is rosy with dolls? Yes, kindergarten teachers learn this about parents by watching their children play with dolls... We need the game as a life simulator. And we don’t need to work through positive situations; we deal with them quite well anyway. We need games as a trainer for overcoming negativity.

- So, it makes no sense to ban computer games with rivers of blood - they will take it out on Barbie...

If a child has a need to work through violence, there is no point in hushing it up. We need to sit down and discuss this - like a movie after watching it. And to convey the difference between real life and the game - we can say, “I’ll go and tear everyone up,” but we don’t do that in real life.

- But there is a difference between shooting games on a tablet and playing war games in the yard?

Yes, in this case the bodily sensation is lost, how it is actually experienced. But if we are working out our needs in a symbolic form, then let it be clearly symbolic! We don’t let the child play with another child - we give him a doll. And the more unrealistic it is, the better baby understands the difference with life.

Teach to learn

- Okay, games and gadgets are needed, but not 24 hours a day...

How is he supposed to understand that he needs to break away from the gadget? We ourselves thrust a tablet with cartoons into his hands to go about our business. Why should a child suddenly understand that this is bad? He simply wasn't taught anything else.

- So how can you tear your child away from the computer? For the ears?

Well, offering him homework instead of games is definitely pointless. Let's remember the generation of parents themselves: 90 percent of them definitely watched TV instead of solving problems! And our strategy is not to limit the pleasant, but to offer to do something else interesting. Buy board game and go play and invite the child to join. He himself will crawl out from behind the computer and come to see what kind of fun they are having without him. There is no need to force him and say: “Look what good game“Now you will play and rejoice” - he should see this pleasure in the eyes of his parents.

- In general, we need to set an example. When should we do homework if we are always playing games?

The best thing you can do here is to stop being interested in them. Did your child get a bad grade for unlearned lessons? You need to ask him: how do you like it? Don't like that the teacher scolded you? Well, I guess I should have done my homework. And if the child doesn’t care, then the parent shouldn’t care either. Yes, on the third grade the teacher will call - but he needs to explain that lessons are the responsibility of the child himself. And if the parent is in contact with him, then after three or four bad grades the child himself begins to prepare for lessons. And then we're in elementary school We sit with him all the time on tasks - so the child gets used to the fact that his mother does the homework, and not he.

- And how can I explain to him that he needs to sit down and learn the years of Napoleon’s life, and not spy on them in a lesson on the Internet?

We all learn through play. My child and I first do what interests him, through this he develops a skill that he can then apply anywhere. If he is interested, he will find and remember everything about Napoleon himself! And the fact that we can find any information with one click will change our school. We cannot limit the flow of information, but we also do not teach children to analyze it.

Under big ban

- Now we will educate our readers, and then their children will study in a regular school. Where the computer is clocked and the Internet is filtered.

We need to explain to the child that school is only one of the stages of life, that you need to take skills there and move on. And don't kill yourself trying to get him to fulfill all school requirements. If you accept that a child can be a C student, he will grow up normal. And we need to support the children, not the school! The child is with you for life, but you say goodbye to school. So why cut it down to meet abstract requirements?

EXPERIMENT

A selected mobile phone is a path to suicide?

Two years ago, the Snob portal conducted its own experiment. 68 teenagers from 12 to 18 years old were asked to spend 8 hours alone without gadgets. All “human” activities - reading, games, walks - were allowed.

Only three survived to the end of the experiment - two boys and one girl. Only seven were able to spend five hours alone with themselves.

Twenty girls and seven boys experienced hot flashes or chills, dizziness, nausea, sweating, dry mouth, tremors of the hands or lips, pain in the abdomen or chest, and a sensation of hair moving on the head. Almost all experienced anxiety, fear, and five experienced panic attacks. Three had suicidal thoughts.

All fears and symptoms disappeared immediately after the experiment was stopped.

Computer games are exciting process. We may not even notice how we spent several hours on it. It's quite easy to get lost in fantasy worlds and plot twists that will keep you glued to the screen for "another 10 minutes."

Psychologist John M. Grohol is confident Coping with Video Game Addiction, which in this case can help track time. Write down what time you start playing and what time you finish. At the end of the week, calculate how many hours you spent playing games. Most likely, this figure will make you think again.

2. Set a limit

Set a timer to help you with this. Even if you continue playing after his signal, you will still know how much time you spent. And knowledge is the key to your salvation. Perhaps it will help to develop a rule, for example, to play only with friends or only on certain days.

There is no need to limit yourself too much, this will make the situation worse.

In addition to the time limit, set . Determine how many games per month you can afford.

3. Choose your games carefully

Some games take a very long time to complete. Discard them in favor of those that can be completed in a shorter period of time.

4. Don't be afraid to finish a game if you don't like it

Many players try to choose more difficult games in order to prove to themselves and everyone what they are capable of. Calm your gaming ego. This is just virtual reality. If you don't enjoy a game, just don't finish it.

Don't take online gaming as a real competition. No one will judge you if you just quit the game. This is your life, and only you can decide what to spend your time on.

5. Earn play time.

If you neglect your homework, work and personal life because of games, then you have serious problems. Try to earn the game. Do not sit down at the computer until you have completed the tasks at hand. Remember that the goal is not complete failure from video games. It is important for you to realize that they are only part of your life.

Many people find live video game streaming on YouTube or Twitch weird and unhelpful. And in vain. Instead of wasting your time, you can watch how someone else does it. You don't have to sit in front of a screen. You can do useful things, such as cleaning.

7. Go on a gaming fast

Not everyone can suddenly give up video games for a while. But sometimes it works. If you feel that it’s time for you to return to reality, try deleting all the games from your computer or collecting all the discs and taking them to one of your friends for safekeeping. For example, for two weeks or a month.

You will have more time for important things and meetings with dear people.

You will understand that real life is much more interesting and games will not replace it for you.

8. Find the reason for your escapism

Computer games are a good way to relax. However, gaming addiction is a form of escapism. Think about whether you are hiding from something in the virtual world.

If you have problems in your personal life, discuss them with your partner. If you are feeling pressured by work, seek help and try to find a solution to the problem. This is more effective than hiding behind a monitor.

In the game we are all strong and resilient, but in reality - not always. But you will not acquire these qualities if you persist in the trials that life has in store for you.

1. Frequency of games on the computer

• Daily.
• In a day.
• When you're bored and have nothing to do.

2. Number of hours spent playing games?

• From 3 hours or more.
• Maximum 2 hours.
• Up to 1 hour.

3. Can you leave the game if necessary?

• I can't.
• Depending on the situation.
• Yes, no problem.

4. How often do you spend your free time playing games?

• Always or most of the time.
• Sometimes.
• Rarely.

5. Did the games interfere with attending important events?

• Yes, this happens often.
• Yes, it happened several times.
• No, it wasn't.

6. Do thoughts about games come to you when you are doing normal things?

• Regularly.
• Sometimes.

7. The role of computer games in your life?

• Significant.
• Quite important.
• I can live without them.

8. Do you sit down to play games as soon as you get home?

• Always.
• Sometimes.
• No, I'm not sitting down.

• Option "a" — 3 points.
• Option "b" — 2 points.
• Option "c" — 1 point.

From 8 to 12 points — there are no obvious symptoms of addiction.

From 13 to 18 points – a possible dependence can be traced.

From 19 to 24 points - most likely a gambling addict.

Why is my husband addicted to games - I find out the reasons for computer gaming addiction

I couldn’t even imagine that my husband would develop a computer obsession. It seemed like we spent a lot of time together, shared interests, traveled to new places. But this is how it turned out, now it is necessary to take only the most decisive action in the fight against this deviation.

The psychologist told me what could be the causes of computer addiction. The main thing is to understand Why does a person go headlong into gaming reality? . Once you figure this out, in most cases you can help get rid of from addiction.

Most common reason – individual personality traits, character . For example, people who are touchy, vulnerable, depressed, with low self-esteem, and prone to stress usually avoid problems by immersing themselves in the computer. They feel comfortable and comfortable there, no one pesters them or pesters them with stupid questions. They are there find a place to live . Such a comfort zone from which you no longer have the strength to leave on your own. Such people may have difficulties building interpersonal relationships in a team or at work. In a similar way, not finding other exits (but often simply without the desire to change anything), they are escaping reality , resulting in a dependency.

What is good about parallel, network reality? The answer is on the surface - everything is simple. There is a task a whole range of tools is offered for the solution . And even if an error occurs, it will not lead to negative consequences , for example, disapproval from superiors, scolding of loved ones.

Reason two – failure to accept oneself as one is, because of this, a feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding on the part of relatives . In this regard, a person is haunted by a feeling of tension and emotional exhaustion.

Another reason is closely related to childhood and the form of education . There are two options here - overprotection or excessive demands . Two opposite moments, but they have a huge impact on the psyche, not for the better.

• In the first case - a person who is not independent, his parents did everything for him, he himself cannot take a single step. The game is simple in action, and the result is predetermined.
• In the second option - self-esteem is so low that the solution is in the computer, where you can become a winner as many times as you like, asserting yourself through fictitious stories.

It often happens that a person is not interested in the reality that is happening to him. . “I’m bored, nothing good is happening, nothing to do” - typical thoughts of an addict who seeks thrills on the Internet. He doesn’t understand that such whining won’t change anything. To do this you need to make an effort - more interesting, go to a neighboring city, go to a concert . No, of course, it’s easier to sit at the computer and stare at the tanks. And in this case, the game is a way to fill a boring world.

What could be attractive about the game? For me, a person who uses a computer to view news and work with the necessary information, nothing.

But for a gamer, this is a whole list of advantages:

1. Having your own little world , which is only available to him.
2. Lack of responsibility for actions and mistakes.
3. Complete immersion and escape from reality .
4. Multiple possibility of correcting mistakes .
5. Opportunity make decisions independently and influence the outcome.

This is exactly what gamers miss so much. And in order to get rid of addiction, family and friends have to make enormous efforts, spend a lot of time, make a lot of attempts to change a person's worldview . It is difficult, incredibly costly from an emotional point of view, and sometimes financially. But it's worth it to your loved one has regained his zest for life , not a computer one, but a real one.

What to do if a person has a gaming addiction - popular methods of treating gaming addiction

Treatment methods various types a lot of gambling addiction . From the usual help of a psychologist and psychiatrist to unconventional methods, such as visiting Buddhist temples.

I’ll just tell you about those that help not only in advertising, but also in real life:

• . The goal is to eliminate the psychological conflict and socially reintegrate the patient. But the main condition effective assistance– consent of the patient to conduct sessions, desire to cooperate with the doctor. Imposition and pressure will only have the opposite effect and will worsen the situation.
• Group therapy . Everyone probably has an idea of ​​what it is. One psychologist and a group of people who want to be cured. They communicate, each tells their story, reveals their emotions, discusses problems. This is a good opportunity to open up to people and not be afraid to show who you really are. Because all those who came, one might say, are in the same boat - a boat of psychological, emotional dependence. But here, too, the main point is the desire to correct the situation, to return to normal life. If there is no desire, there will be no result.
• Hypnosis . I know one person who was really helped by this method. But those who offer hypnotic services are mostly charlatans out to scam people out of money. So it’s difficult to find a truly skilled and knowledgeable person.
• Drug treatment . Medicines can only serve as an auxiliary element to the main type of treatment. So, for example, various
• dietary supplements improve sleep, relieve anxiety, normalize psycho-emotional state. Vitamin and mineral complexes are suitable, but it is better to consult a doctor before taking them.
• Coding . I can’t say anything; many clinics offer similar services, characterizing the method as awareness of the destructive effects of addiction, as well as the situations that may arise as a result of it.

There are many treatment methods, but in any of them the key to success is the desire to recover and return to normal life. No desire - no cure.

How I treated my husband for gaming addiction - problems and consequences of gaming addiction

My husband did not immediately come to realize the global nature of the problem.

My example is an example of positive treatment, when the addict himself understood and realized his problem, asking for help. In such a situation it is easier to cope with joint efforts . But there are opposite stories, when a person does not want to realize, he thinks that everything is fine with him. That’s when it’s difficult for everyone – family, friends, and the gambler himself. The main thing is not to give up and believe in the best .

Obsession with computer games is a mass pathology . Adults, children, and teenagers suffer from it. There are many reasons, and there are many ways to treat it.

Each case is individual, but if you want and strive, everything can be fixed, and treatment will definitely give a positive result.

Computer game addiction is a real problem of modern humanity. Virtual games are addictive, attract attention, and take up valuable time that simply goes to waste. Is there treatment for computer game addiction and how can I make it help? The answer to this question lies through understanding the psychology of those who are involved in it more than in reality.

• Who and why is at risk of becoming addicted to computer games?
• What are the negative aspects of psychological addiction to computer games?
• Why do people who depend on computer games have bursts of aggression and make a transfer from virtuality to reality?
• How to completely and completely get rid of addiction to computer games?

Who are you, dear reader? Concerned and saddened parent looking for information about children's video game addiction? A loving wife or a caring husband who discovered signs of addiction to computer games in his other half? Or maybe you yourself feel and understand that something is wrong in your life, that you devote too much time and importance to computer games?

One way or another, one thing is obvious: addiction to computer games exists, this is not a fiction or a far-fetched hype around a non-existent problem. For the players themselves, the game is the most reality, which leads to real problems. The game creates a world in which you can find an outlet, at the same time it interferes with life and seems to make an outcast out of a person - this is exactly what a player risks becoming after many years of addiction to computer games. And the symptoms that can be observed in the player are more than frightening even for him.

What to do? How to avoid addiction to computer games? Where to look for salvation? Is there a treatment?

Before answering these questions, let's agree on one convention. We will not condemn a person who suffers from addiction to computer games, but will try to understand why the player is so attracted to the virtual world. And it is through this understanding that we will be able to find answers to the questions outlined above.

I'm riding a trolleybus. Next to me, a boy, about 15 years old, was stuck in his tablet, trying to pass the most difficult level of his game with skillful fingers. The boy is focused on the process, his persistent zeal for victory is surprising, his tension with which he approaches the game is fascinating - it feels like now, at this moment, his whole life depends on victory. And there is nothing around. And no one.

I look over his shoulder at his screen and see that the boy has lost. Once again, obviously. Although he does not express any emotions outwardly, not a single muscle on his face flinched, I literally feel his angry disappointment. But he doesn’t waste time - he launches the same level in a new way. And again - into battle!

The guy seems to be falling into the game. This is life! Beautiful graphics, characters beautifully drawn to the smallest detail, enormous response speed to the slightest movement with one finger - it seems that the player is God himself in this game.

But then the boy’s mother gets into the game. She suddenly pulls him sharply by the shoulder and screams in his ear - our stop, it’s time to get out. It is at this very moment that a decisive episode occurs on the screen. Probably one that the boy had already passed many times. And every time I lost. One for which he is probably now, at this moment, ready to give half his life and half a kingdom for victory, if he had one.

The boy continues to play, but his mother pulls him, and the trolleybus inexorably begins to slow down. The player is unable to take his eyes off the screen, he tries to simultaneously play, get up, and walk to the exit. And, of course, there was an embarrassment. The guy hit some grandma's car, apples fell across the cabin and rolled out into the already open doors. The grandmother groans, the passengers are perplexed, the guy and mother roll out of the trolleybus. And through the already closing doors I hear my mother’s screams and laments that all the boy’s attention, his whole life is in this damn toy and in the computer, that he is a poor student and does not communicate with his peers, that he is a real hermit. Her voice breaks into a squeal, she literally drags the child, who is a head taller than herself, by the collar and yells something. Well, I can't hear it anymore.

Surprisingly, the boy never takes his eyes off the screen. He continues to play and does not seem to hear his mother. And she, although she threatens to take the toy from her son, does not do this because she knows what an inadequate reaction can be in response to this action, including an aggressive one.

I feel sorry for my mother, because all she really wants is for her son to be happy. But I feel even more sorry for the boy because he also just wants to be left alone.

Probably everyone played computer games. Through system-vector thinking, it is easy to understand that those who spend time playing computer games for days are most often people who have a sound vector. It is the sound players who have a whole set of characteristics that make them potentially addicted players.

For all the people in the world who were born without a sound vector, the ordinary world is their whole life. Such a person with early age learns to communicate with others of his own kind, to distinguish between plants and animals, to derive benefits, to create something of high quality, to build cities, to live in a state. For a sound engineer, the world around is illusory. The less a sound student has managed to develop, socialize, and acquire social skills, the more illusory the world around him is for him.

Computer games often become a salvation; they replace the real world for a sound person, involving him in virtuality, as in real life. A life in which everything is different, in which you can truly (as it seems to the sound artist) live. There the whole world is built around him, he decides what happens in this world. In him he is God and king, almost Creator. And any physical defects, for example, odors, do not interfere.
It would seem, well, what’s wrong with that? Well, a man is playing a game for himself, so let him play. He doesn’t bother anyone with his actions. Especially when it comes to children. Someone is playing real games, and this one is virtual - what's the difference? In fact, there is a difference and it is huge.

A person with a sound vector lives his entire life with a special division of the world: into internal and external. For him, it is as if there are two separate environments: one is his soul, what he experiences inside himself, and the other is the world around him. Already being small, he distinguishes these two worlds from each other, and reaches out to understand where the line between them lies. At the age of 6, he asks questions “why was I born?”, “what will happen when I die?”, “is there a God and what is he like?” And the world that is inside is very important and valuable for him, and the one that is outside - it is outside, not studied and often hostile. When a small sound child is raised correctly, instilling in him the morality of society, developing internal moral principles, barriers and principles are formed in him, it is these that allow him to live in society as an adequate person. But while he is small, while these boundaries do not yet exist, he falls into virtual games, where the line between reality and fictional world, he becomes more and more entrenched in the idea that the outside world is just an illusion. The more he hangs out in games, the more socially maladaptive he becomes. Living more and more in his illusion, he runs the risk of never receiving any moral or ethical restrictions, which means that he can afford everything he wants at some point.

If you shoot from a pistol at characters drawn to the point of wrinkles for 20 hours a day without breaks, then a shift gradually occurs when the hated real world merges with the virtual one. There is a feeling that ordinary people on the streets are almost the same characters and you can express your hatred for them simply by pulling the trigger. A sound artist who has lost touch with reality can do this. And news feeds from time to time explode with such terrible messages of mass shootings.

Plunging into virtual reality, a person with an unfilled sound vector falls into a trap. He ceases to strive to fulfill his role, that is, he actually begins to degrade as an individual, a socially useful member of society. While he is satisfied with such a life, because it brings less discomfort. And at this time, this is what really happens: he stops studying, works poorly and becomes a burden, both for his family and for teachers or employers. Everyone wants to get rid of him, they avoid him, and so he is gradually forced out of normal life. And this pushes him even more into the game, from which he never wants to leave.

An adult, developed person with a sound vector, completely immersed in the game, still has a chance to get out of it. After all, he runs there from depression, from his sound questions, and, having been filled, he may yet return to a full life. But if a child does not initially develop before puberty, does not receive moral inoculation from parents and society, lives in games, he risks forever ceasing to distinguish between reality and virtuality.

How to get rid of, or save a loved one from, addiction to computer games?

A person/child cannot be cured of addiction to computer games by simply taking away a toy or prohibiting him from playing. It’s like depriving a hungry person of food, like taking water from a thirsty person. Of course, we understand that a computer game is a poor filler for a sound vector, like unleavened oatmeal for a hungry person, but it is all he has. Nothing but aggression and dumb misunderstanding can be expected in response. Moreover, the ban will only increase the desire to play, and thereby we will push him even further into this very addiction. And if we also put pressure on the player, shout at him, force him to do something, strain him, then it’s as if we ourselves, with our own hands, are pushing him into the virtual world. After all, there is no all this swearing and stupid fuss, because it’s good there!

It is necessary not to take away the game from a computer game addict, but to offer something that will be an order of magnitude higher, better, more interesting. If you give a person more tasty food, he himself will refuse bland oatmeal.

Therefore, there is only one way to treat computer game addiction - and it is not easy. The sound person can be pulled out of the game only by giving him answers to his internal questions “why?” and "why?" By the way, you can distract an addicted person from computer games in literally a couple of minutes, simply by starting a conversation with him about the meaning of life and carefully listening to his thoughts on this matter. And he will definitely have a lot of them, and many of them are bad and depressive, which is not surprising for a depressed sound artist. But by attracting his attention with questions, hooking him with “bait”, making it clear that this answer exists, you can gradually pull him out of the hole of gambling addiction and lead him to a different life.

Where to look for these very answers to the questions “why?” and "why?" They lie in the understanding of human nature, the characteristics of all people, their lives, and most importantly - that very sound vector from which all these mental torments come. Yuri Burlan talks about this at trainings on system-vector psychology. He gives his lectures online, so that anyone can attend them, regardless of their place of residence. Free lectures are held every month; find out about the upcoming dates or by clicking on the banner:

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